A Single Window Pane ☆

When I first moved into my 1920 vintage home, the kitchen had those crank-out sort of windows.  They didn’toutside looking in work so well, because the cranks kept falling off and eventually would not work anymore.  One of the windows would fly open in the wind and I had to nail it shut.  First big expense – double-paned windows.  A week and BIG chunk of change later, I had windows I could open and shut with ease and the double panes helped with my heating bill.  Rain would slam onto the screens and the outside pane but keep the inner pane dry.

Fast forward a couple years.  Moisture began to gather between the panes of those expensive windows.  Thanks to the warranty, another big chunk of change for labor, and I had airtight windows again.  I guess you could call that “labor panes.”  Sorry!  I couldn’t resist that.

So, why the thoughts about windows today?  Because for a few weeks now, I’ve been bumping up against a single window pane of the mind which causes emotional pain.  Advice for marriage and family abounds.  Some of my long-visited Christian websites have either discontinued their pages for singles, or have buried them under pages labeled “for women” with fewer and fewer articles for those without a life partner.  And, generally the articles there tend to be written by now-married women who focus on “what to do while waiting.”  Articles abound on “how to raise children” and “10 little things to brighten your husband’s day.”

Venturing onto pages “for men” is usually a different experience.  While there are articles for “5 things your wife wishes you knew,” it is rare to find any mention of singleness on men’s pages.  Maybe it’s because fewer men than women walk through life as a onesome.

I’ve come to realize that singledom, especially in the church, is an invisible village.

Sermon series for God’s design for sex and marriage are popular.  Onesomes are told to pray for their married family and friends, armed with increasing information on what marriage should be about.  I’m quite happy to do that.  I respect marriage highly.  I’m not blind to the endurance of many in this challenging place.  Why, however, is it not just as important for those who are married to understand more about the challenges of living as a Godly single, and to pray for us as well?  I’m here to tell you that being single takes a lot of hard work, too!

In the absence of attention at church-level in general, I’m aware that there is definitely an elephant in the room – and it seems to be me.  Well, at least, it is those of us who do not have a life partner at present.  Most unmarrieds who come to the church are those who have had the experience of having had a spouse.  Sadly, marriages end by death and divorce, both very painful situations.  I’m also here to tell you that never having had a spouse can also be a very painful situation that very few acknowledge, bringing loneliness most folks just don’t get!

I’m saddened greatly that most churches do not think about a sermon series – or even one sermon – on what it means to live a Godly single life.  There is an urgent need for even middle and high school students to know how precious their emotions and hormones are to God, and that He is very interested in helping them develop self-control and contentment.  College men and women are thrust into a world where many of them are on their own for the first time, and if they have not learned the value of faithfulness and self-control at a younger age, they may have trouble seeing the value now.  The term “single” is not generally used until they are post-college age.  Once again, they are on a huge learning curve of how to be self-supporting and responsible adults.  Too often, too many do not have a practiced discipline in their moral lives and may not see a need to gain one now.  Why not?

They have not been told how important and valuable their moral lives are to God, themselves, and those around them. 

Read this:  “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?  You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.  So glorify God in your body.  (I Corinthians 6:19-20)

The temple in Scripture is described as a visually spectacular place, full of color and lush fabrics, and gold, silver, and gems of every type.  Of course, its real purpose was not to be spectacular, but to be a place where people gave back to God from their crops and livestock, acknowledging their shortcomings – sin – and receiving forgiveness.  While the Temple does not exist in Jerusalem today, its memory does.  And, certainly the reality of Jesus’ sacrifice in my place for my sin exists!

In the process, He considers me as a beautiful temple which is furnished by the Holy Spirit within me!  How can I help but live my life glorifying Him as best I can!

However, I still find myself as a sort of Lone Ranger shouting a message few want to hear.

Are you listening?

Little Big Things – another oxymoron. :) ☆

I’ve been having “Kumbaya my Lord” flashbacks to church camp this week.

camp merrillThe original Camp Moses Merrill in Nebraska was located near the little town of Fullerton, and I remember several weeks spent there as a kid and then as a camp counselor.  It offered great places to hike, with the most daring being “Lover’s Leap” which overlooked the Cedar River and held a lot of American Indian and pioneer folklore.

While I remember evening bonfires with roasted hot dogs and s’mores, one memory stands out for the impact it had on my life for many years.

I was a 13 year-old high school freshman, and had enjoyed a week of Bible studies, hiking, crafts, and looking for arrow heads.  The highlight of these weeks was a Saturday night “banquet” such as one could have in a rather rustic building.  The girls wore dresses and the guys wore nice shirts, and the food served was a step above what we had gotten all week.  Often we ate by candlelight, and then had a special service in the chapel where we were challenged to make Jesus the Lord of our lives.

Now, of course, as young teenagers, we were interested in finding dates for this special meal.  There was a boy I really liked in many of the Bible studies and hiking groups, etc., and I dreamed he would ask me to the banquet.  And, then it happened!  I was ecstatic!  But then, as I turned a corner around the snack shack, I ran into a group of laughing boys – including my Prince Charming.  It seems that they were having a little contest to see who could invite the biggest number of “ugly girls” to the banquet – who would fall for the invitation, that is.

I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach.  Ugly girl?  Of course, no boy materialized on banquet night.  I still remember the black and white dress I wore.  I remember curling my blond hair and putting on my happy face and going to a meal which tasted like sawdust.  I let those words, “ugly girl,” haunt my thoughts for way too many years.  My guess is that many of you reading this may have similar little-big stories?

Fast forward a bunch of years – to 2015.

I was privileged to be accompanist for 28 years for The Greeley Chorale, an auditioned choral group which has gained fame with worldwide travels by singing in:

  • *  The American Pavilion on July 4th at the 1988 World’s Fair in Brisbane, Australia.
  • *  The jazz festival in Montreux, Switzerland.
  • *  The Mozart Requiem in the Votivkirche in Vienna, Austria and the Sheldonian Theater in Oxford, England.
  • *  Vespers services in St. Peter’s in Rome and St. Mark’s in Venice, Italy.
  • *  The huge outdoor amphitheater in Ephesus, Turkey – where the Apostle Paul preached a number of times.

Well – on to my point before I get totally lost in Memory Lane!

Being involved with Chorale brought healing in many, many ways as a musician/pianist and as a person loved by caring friends.  Week after week brought heartwarming rehearsals filled with music which challenged me as a pianist and often gave rise to personal worship in my heart – even during the stop and start nature of rehearsals.  Great choral music of all types was in our repertoire from show tunes to opera to American music to spirituals to large sacred works.

While I retired from that accompanist position several years back, they asked me to accompany two numbers in May 2015 to help celebrate Chorale’s 50-year anniversary.  What a privilege it was to sit before “my people” again to play Randall Thompson’s Last Words of David, and Rene Claussen’s At the Name of Jesus.

After lots of applause and lots of hugs, I was thoughtfully tiny-stepping my way in heels through a snow storm to my car.  Yes, it was snowing even though it was Mother’s Day weekend!  But, I didn’t mind because the warm glow in my heart far outshone the freezing night.

And then it happened!  A gentlemen came alongside me, took my arm, and said, “Let me escort you to your car.”  We chit-chatted our way through a couple blocks, and he made me sit inside while he brushed an amazing array of snowflakes off my car, and then left with a friendly “Good night.”  I had never seen him before, and will most likely never see him again.  But, that one simple kindness made me feel beautiful!

A marvelous example of a little big thing which will always make me smile!

I think it is God who brought the long-ago camp incident to my mind as I drove home, just to let me know that it has no power over my thoughts any more!

Colossians 3:12  Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  (NIV)

♥ The original Camp Merrill is now the Nebraska Broken Arrow Wilderness.

4 hugs a day for survival? ? ? Really? ☆

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.”  hug

This quote from renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir, sounds nice, doesn’t it?  But, if the statement is true, my guess is that there are a large number of “living dead” folks running around – unmarried and married.  I love Webster’s definition of a hug:  “to press closely within the arms.”  Who doesn’t want that?

Here are some titles gleaned from an online search:

  •        ♥  10 reasons we need at least 8 hugs a day.
  •        ♥  7 reasons we should be giving more hugs.
  •        ♥  4 benefits of hugs for mind and body.
  •        ♥  9 compelling reasons why you need hugs every day.
  •        ♥  “Lord, I need a hug.”  (book title)

We know that touch is imperative for the tiniest among us.  If babies are not held often, their emotional development is arrested.  You hoo!  I think it happens to the rest of us, too.  I don’t think we ever outgrow that need!  Can I hear a very loud, “YOU’RE RIGHT!”  Truth be told, too many singles go for weeks, even months without even a good side hug.  Now, I know that many married folks don’t spend a lot of daily time hugging – and I think that is a crying shame!  The opportunity is there, though.  Built-in hugging sounds good to me.

Personally, I am fortunate to have a very huggy church family, so I get caught up on that activity on Sunday mornings.  However, I barely make the “survivor” mode.  That’s 28 hugs to account for 7 days.

About 15 years ago, I began to invest in monthly massages – mainly to deal with the knots in my shoulders – but realize that it also benefits the health and welfare of body, soul, and spirit.  Of course, the fact that it just feels wonderful doesn’t hurt.  I certainly have never made it up to the 12 hugs a day Satir thought was necessary for growth.   I doubt many have.  We are a hug-deprived society, methinks.

While the word “hug” does not appear in scripture, we see the concept as a loving and protecting gesture, especially for the tiny ones among us.  We get the touching image of the shepherd holding little lambs close.  (Isaiah 40:11)  Most notably, we see Jesus taking little children in His arms and blessing them.  My guess is that Jesus laughed and played with children frequently.  (Mark 9:36; Mark 10:16)  Another notable example of hugging is in the story of the prodigal son, where the father throws his arms around his returning son and kisses him.  (Luke 15:20)  Of course, the Song of Solomon is full of intimate touching as the writer expresses an ageless love song.  Now, the word, “touch” is used often, but not so much in context of warm affection – until we read of Jesus touching folks.

  • ♥  He touched those who had contagious diseases, such as leprosy, fever, etc. – forbidden in the Old Testament.  (Matthew 8:3; 8:15)
  • ♥  He touched those who had died in order to renew physical life.  (Luke 17:4)
  • ♥  He touched the blind, deaf, and mute.  (Matthew 9:29; 20:34)
  • ♥  And many people touched Jesus and even His clothes knowing that His love and healing would result.  (Matthew 14:36; Mark 3:10; 5:27-31)

So, fellow hug-deprived persons, let’s work our way up to growth – 12 hugs a day.  That’s 84 hugs a week!  Ha ha!

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God’s love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ.  This is the unending life, the real life!  (Jude 1:20-21 – MSG)

Lonely? Take “SPOUSE!” ☆

I don’t know about you, but it seems that there is a super abundance of advertising for medications on TV these days.  And while they are miracle aids for a myriad of ailments, most of the ads seem to be taken up with the dire possible side effects.  I’m sort of waiting for one which says:

Take this for XYZ, but be aware that your legs might fall off in the process.

Now, I admit there have been times in my life when it felt as though marriage would bring total and complete happiness which would erase loneliness.  It was magnified each time I attended weddings of friends and family, and then attended baby showers for the same – and then weddings and showers for their children.  Even knowing in my head that marriage isn’t always warm and fuzzy, it didn’t help to be told that, when every fiber of my heart screamed out for that experience.

What does help is for someone to simply say, “I hear you!  It is hard!”

That gives encouragement to walk through that tunnel into the light of “OK God.  Now what are You and I going to do together?”

As you might expect from me when thinking about such weighty things, I went to Noah Webster’s great book – called the dictionary. 🙂

Of the word “lonely,” Webster says:

  •        * Sequestered apart from company or neighbors; in want of company.
  •        * Having a feeling of depression or sadness resulting from the consciousness of being alone.

Of a similar, but slightly different word, ‘alone,” he says:

  •        * Quite by one’s self; apart from others; without a sharer.
  •        * Unique, rare, matchless.

Now, the first definitions are quite similar in that they stress the apartness both represent.  Re. loneliness, the thing which strikes me is that loneliness and depression can walk hand-in-hand into deep dark places which may seem to have no door out.  And, for the single person, loneliness may take a variety of shapes and sizes according to the circumstance.  What can seem like adventurous opportunities for some can be intense trials for others.

The boundaries of loneliness can be outweighed by the freedom of aloneness. 

I have to admit, I’ve had a foot in both camps at times.

Buying a house on my own was a very daunting experience, and walking through “what have I done?” without another having the same vested interest, moved into “Wow, I can pound nails and paint wherever I want.”

Watching my brothers and their families at a family reunion and realizing that not one drop of my DNA goes any further than me was overwhelming at the time.  Being blessed by nieces and nephews and their children (and even a couple of great-great nieces) has brought immense joy to my life.

Continuing to have a deep desire for companionship in marriage, while experiencing an equally deep and true contentment in where I am in life because God has brought me to this place in His plan and timing.

Living with paradoxical loss of what I’ve never had, while reveling in the deepening relationship with God made more precious by opportunities for friendships and travel adventures – and even this blog!

Singleness often provides a sort of human petri dish for loneliness, doesn’t it?  But, it can also be a place of healing for unmarrieds and those around them.  Once again, Scripture has some words helping to bring life to those who are alone and lonely.  True to the 2nd definition above under “alone,” we have an infinitely unique, rare, and matchless God who loves us for those same qualities because He made us that way!  Psalm 139 is full of truth affirming that.

Psalm 139:13-14 – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.  I know that full well.

II Thessalonians 2:16-17 – May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.

I Timothy 6:15-16 – . . . God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see.  To him be honor and might forever.  Amen.

Thank you for joining me on this amazing journey!

New International Version – NIV

 

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