I’m back to my fave book, the dictionary, for a summary of the word “casual.”
- Happening or coming to pass without design.
- Happening without being foreseen or expected.
- Relaxed and unconcerned.
- Careless or offhand.
- Occurring by chance.
- Seeming to be indifferent to what is happening.
OK. That’s plenty of definition which I believe makes the phrase, “casual sex” an unfortunate oxymoron – two words which aren’t compatible, like “definite maybe.” In fact, if you search online for “oxymoron casual sex” you’ll find a lot of articles secular and faith-based which discuss this for what it is: a twisted view of something precious.
Now, I’m all for good communication about all aspects of life. From what I read, most parents find it uncomfortable to have “the talk” with their kids. In fact, if you are brave, and you want to laugh uncontrollably, go to monastery.com and read this hilarious response to her kids’ questions. Just a note: while she draws some spiritual ideas in her blog which i do not hold, “Sex is tricky” has got to be one of the funniest articles of the year. Now, my guess is that most of us did not gain this intellectual knowledge in quite the same manner or intensity.
What in the world happens to us? Well, when we are babies and little tots, people are really protective of us – of every part of us. Cute clothes cover parts of our anatomy considered precious and private. Little kids are taught not to just disrobe anywhere they please. We teach value and respect for the body, especially because the mature mid-body areas have the capability of bringing forth new life. Think about that a bit. Not only is pleasure involved, but the possibility of bringing forth new life is an incredible gift – not to be taken lightly.
Shouldn’t we have a large measure of awe and respect for something so powerful?
So, what in the world happens? Where, here are a few things:
Little children are thrust into a sexualized world at earlier and earlier ages through things like beauty pageants where they wear makeup, fake teeth, hair extensions, and are taught to move provocatively. Little children, especially girls, may see this on TV and learn at a very early age that the way they look is most important. Don’t get me wrong. I love to see little girls and boys in dress-up clothes. But, forcing them to act in sexualized adult ways is not cute.
How is it that school children in younger and younger grades are seemingly compelled to experiment sexually with one another? What has happened to the respect for all parts of our anatomy which should have carried over from baby and toddler days? How it is that so many folks from high school on up make intimacy so commonplace? How did baring their bodies to each other become so commonplace?
TV and the Internet have certainly carved deep paths into minds of all ages, giving access to a whole bunch of input for people who may not have anyplace to put it. Along with that, many of us do not get compelling teaching that sexual intimacy is reserved for those who make the covenant of marriage with one another. We are not told that we are precious and are not meant to give ourselves away with reckless imitations of intimacy.
People want to be important to themselves and others. They want to feel good. No one denies that sexual intimacy is desirable – it feels good. But, even the best things are often made better by restraint. Eating a piece of dark chocolate cake is enjoyable. Eating the whole cake is not.
The Message puts it so well in I Corinthians 6:16-20:
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever–the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.