Some time ago I watched a Dr. Phil show in which a married man loudly and boldly defended his activity with a mistress using a word, polyfidelity. His wife of 19 years sat mostly in silence while her husband declared his love for her – and for the other woman. He ignored the pain in his wife’s eyes which was evident to all who were watching. He was convinced that his “faithfulness” to both these women would last a lifetime. Dr. Phil’s marvelous comment was something to the effect of, “I have another word for polyfidelity. It’s called cheating!” Score one for Dr. Phil.♥
Now, polymonogamy is another oxymoronic term which has been around for several years. Online definitions are a bit hazy. It seems to describe someone who is convinced he/she can have multiple sexual relationships with more than one person and say they are monogamous since their attention is completely on whomever they are with at the time. Another thought I find is that while one person in a marriage is faithful to their spouse, the other wants to have multiple partners. The oxymoron part comes out with the prefixes, “poly” and “mono.” “Poly” means many; “mono” means one.
Let’s see what Webster Dictionary says about fidelity, monogamy – and baloney:
- * Fidelity: Adherence with faithfulness to the marriage covenant.
- * Monogamy: Marriage with but one person at the same time.
- * Baloney: Nonsense; foolishness.
As our society gets increasingly defiant about acting within the confines of faithfulness, we see multiplied increase of terrible body, soul, and spirit injury. No matter how much people talk about freedom in all areas of morality, we see the same people being terribly wounded in the process. I believe it is because in their heart of hearts, they still see value in faithfulness to one spouse.
Now, where does singleness come into this? Let’s face it. The general opinion and action is that singles can be as sexually active as they want with little thought to the consequences because there is no commitment – covenant – in short-term relationships. While we see some semblance of commitment when an unmarried couple chooses to live together for a longer period of time, the avenue of escape remains if it doesn’t work out. It’s still a tough breakiup, but there are no particular legal ramifications – unless there are children. In that case, many of the consequences fall upon the little ones’ shoulders.
Living out life as a single Christian who practices self-control in a whole host of things is not an easy stance. Foolishness abounds. Temptations abound.
But God’s promises abound as well!
Hebrews 4:14-16 – Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to emphasize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (NIV)
I Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (NIV)
- * Faithfulness as a single person is the best preparation for faithfulness in marriage.
- * If unmarried, there is still faithfulness to God and to one’s own person.
- * This does not diminish fulfilling relationships with men and women which include far more than physical intimacy.
- * Setting appropriate boundaries in all areas of life is important – for unmarried and married alike.
So, stand firm, my friends, whatever your life holds! God is in charge!
♥ drphil.com – “Twisted Love”