Really good resolutions for us all! ☆

resolutionsAre you a list-maker?  Do you get great satisfaction in crossing off things accomplished on your list?  The real question is – do you make New Year’s Resolutions each year even though prior lists have gone the way of the dodo bird?

One piece of singles advice I used to get regularly was, “Have you made a list of what you want in a husband?”  And then, “Have you prayed over your list?”  Another piece of advice:  “Write letters to your potential future unknown husband telling him what is on your heart.”  It didn’t dawn on me then that these pieces of golden words were almost always given by folks who had already walked down the wedding aisle.  I took every word to heart and when it seemed that nothing was coming of all the effort, I assumed it was because of some great deficit in my character.  Or worse, I assumed that God was teasing me with some sort of golden carrot just out of reach.  Why else would He not be “giving me the desires of my heart?”  (Psalm 37:4)

I have to say that I did write a number of letters to that future ideal husband, baring my heart and soul.  When I discovered it was bringing more pain than hope, I stopped.  They sort of fell into the genre of romance novels.  There was always a “happily ever after” in both, and reality was that more often than not “happily ever after” didn’t happen – at least not the way I wanted.  Both letters and books left my heart in a great empty closet which was full of sorrow and broken dreams.

So, where is my heart today?  Well, some days I live with great contentment and joy.  Other days, loneliness weighs heavily making it hard to breathe.  As I read journals from years past, I can climb right into those empty spots and cry.  What is different today is the realization that no matter how permanent something feels, it isn’t!  Now, I can tell myself, “Have a good cry and then go wash dishes.”  Having spontaneous lunches with good friends also helps, by the way.  They put me back into the real world.

Now, on to the title of this post.  What is a really good list of resolutions for us all?  It can be found in Philippians 4:4-9.  The apostle Paul is writing to his beloved church in Philippi, telling them (my summary):

Rejoice!  Pray!  Reflect God’s character in your daily life!  Do not wallow in worry!  Give thanks!  Rest in God’s indescribable peace!  Fix your mind on things which are true, honorable, good, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and ponder-worthy!

This is challenging, isn’t it?  I know the more I determine to think about things of good report, the more I see the muddy elephant which sloshes through the room of my mind with reckless abandon.  That is where I realize I am in the midst of a great war.  Elephantine thoughts versus the much broader concepts of joyful living which can transform elephants into gentle giants.

Let’s hear it for the Gentle Giants!

Blessings to you, my friends!

Bulls eye – right in my gelato! ☆

It was a very warm day in Venice, and I was enjoying a delicious cup of gelato with friends on a stone bench outside St. Mark’s Cathedral.  Our community chorale was waiting to sing a vesper service in this historic place.  I think I just had one spoonful, and suddenly – SPLAT!  One of St. Mark Square’s numerous pigeons doo dood right in my gelato!  Laughter erupted, of course, as I looked sadly at a treat never to be enjoyed.  I’ve never quite thought the same about gelato since. 🙂pigeons st mark

Pigeons had been a matter of concern at my little abode, also.  The noisy, filthy little critters built little condos on top of my porch.  They sat under the eves of my roof and splattered all over the outer walls.  Money spent to pigeon-proof my house was money well-spent.  Three-inch spikes kept them from roosting under the eaves and netting on the porch roof served to foreclose on their several-storied nests.  For several days they lined up on the edges of the front of the house when I came home from work, voicing their displeasure as they swooped en masse at me when I went out for the mail.  Finally, they accepted their fate and moved on.  I have to say, though, that I did not find the Italian cooing versions any more attractive than the Colorado ones – especially when one ruined my gelato!

Isn’t that the way with life at times?  We’re in our comfort zones, enjoying a pleasant day, and along comes something which changes the course of the whole day – perhaps the whole life.  We have a neat little plan all in place and – SPLAT!  Well, I know you have your own stories to tell, right?

I have to admit that as this Christmas approaches, I again struggle with the realization that my life has turned out differently from my plan.  My plan included husband and family and personal traditions as a result.  Well, there was just one thing which which complicated my plan.  It needed someone other than me to complete it.  Well, Mr. Other-than-me has not shown up yet.  So much for that plan. 🙁

Several years back, there was a strong trend of choosing a life-verse from the Bible.  I sort of flitted from verse to verse depending on what mood I was in, or what I thought would answer my heart’s cry.  Somehow, I never seemed to be as blessed by “my verse” as those around me.  And then, I read the story of Daniel and was riveted by the absolute commitment of him and his friends to God.  Daniel 3:17-18 tells about three men who were just about to be thrown into a blazing furnace because they refused to bow down to worship a golden idol.  Here’s what they said:  “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.  But even if He does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”  (NIV)

And then, it happened!  Don’t get me wrong.  I have absolutely no desire to be thrown into a blazing furnace.  It’s just that the words, “even if He does not,” stood out to me.  “Even if He does not deliver us from this blazing furnace, we will still trust in Him!”  It was as if God said to me:

What if you are to spend the rest of your life unmarried?  Will you still trust Me?

I’d like to be able to tell you I was like the much younger Mary in Luke 1 when the angel told her she was to be the mother of the Savior of the world.  She placed herself totally in God’s hands even though she did not totally understand the impact of the words the angel spoke to her.  (Luke 1:38)  Scripture does not record much of the day-to-day realization which grew in her heart.  My guess is that there were many tears as she daily committed herself to this incredible plan.

I certainly know it has taken an ocean of tears for me to finally accept that God has an incredible plan for me as a single woman.  Along the way, I have asked God to show me how to be a contented and joyful onesome for however long that will last.  Finally, I accept that the whys and why nots are not mine to understand – at least yet.

So, dear single friend – and any others reading this post – my prayer for you is what God said in Jeremiah 31:3 to His chosen people:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

May you have a joy-filled day in celebrating the birth of Emmanuel – God with us – Jesus!

4 hugs a day for survival? ? ? Really? ☆

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.”  hug

This quote from renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir, sounds nice, doesn’t it?  But, if the statement is true, my guess is that there are a large number of “living dead” folks running around – unmarried and married.  I love Webster’s definition of a hug:  “to press closely within the arms.”  Who doesn’t want that?

Here are some titles gleaned from an online search:

  •        ♥  10 reasons we need at least 8 hugs a day.
  •        ♥  7 reasons we should be giving more hugs.
  •        ♥  4 benefits of hugs for mind and body.
  •        ♥  9 compelling reasons why you need hugs every day.
  •        ♥  “Lord, I need a hug.”  (book title)

We know that touch is imperative for the tiniest among us.  If babies are not held often, their emotional development is arrested.  You hoo!  I think it happens to the rest of us, too.  I don’t think we ever outgrow that need!  Can I hear a very loud, “YOU’RE RIGHT!”  Truth be told, too many singles go for weeks, even months without even a good side hug.  Now, I know that many married folks don’t spend a lot of daily time hugging – and I think that is a crying shame!  The opportunity is there, though.  Built-in hugging sounds good to me.

Personally, I am fortunate to have a very huggy church family, so I get caught up on that activity on Sunday mornings.  However, I barely make the “survivor” mode.  That’s 28 hugs to account for 7 days.

About 15 years ago, I began to invest in monthly massages – mainly to deal with the knots in my shoulders – but realize that it also benefits the health and welfare of body, soul, and spirit.  Of course, the fact that it just feels wonderful doesn’t hurt.  I certainly have never made it up to the 12 hugs a day Satir thought was necessary for growth.   I doubt many have.  We are a hug-deprived society, methinks.

While the word “hug” does not appear in scripture, we see the concept as a loving and protecting gesture, especially for the tiny ones among us.  We get the touching image of the shepherd holding little lambs close.  (Isaiah 40:11)  Most notably, we see Jesus taking little children in His arms and blessing them.  My guess is that Jesus laughed and played with children frequently.  (Mark 9:36; Mark 10:16)  Another notable example of hugging is in the story of the prodigal son, where the father throws his arms around his returning son and kisses him.  (Luke 15:20)  Of course, the Song of Solomon is full of intimate touching as the writer expresses an ageless love song.  Now, the word, “touch” is used often, but not so much in context of warm affection – until we read of Jesus touching folks.

  • ♥  He touched those who had contagious diseases, such as leprosy, fever, etc. – forbidden in the Old Testament.  (Matthew 8:3; 8:15)
  • ♥  He touched those who had died in order to renew physical life.  (Luke 17:4)
  • ♥  He touched the blind, deaf, and mute.  (Matthew 9:29; 20:34)
  • ♥  And many people touched Jesus and even His clothes knowing that His love and healing would result.  (Matthew 14:36; Mark 3:10; 5:27-31)

So, fellow hug-deprived persons, let’s work our way up to growth – 12 hugs a day.  That’s 84 hugs a week!  Ha ha!

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God’s love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ.  This is the unending life, the real life!  (Jude 1:20-21 – MSG)

Appetite, hunger, AND celibacy in singleness . . . ☆

It’s the week after Thanksgiving, and if you are like the lion’s share of the country, you ended your Thursday with a full tummy and the thought that you wouldn’t need to eat for 3 days.  By the way, “lion’s share” is a term meaning “the most of.”  Watch any wild life documentary, and you’ve probably seen lions growling and biting and groveling for every bit of food they can get without concern for their furry family members. Of course, most of us didn’t wait 3 days, but were happy to see breakfast the next day.  Hopefully, most of us also stopped to ponder things to be thankful for in 2014.

Celibacy is often put into the same category as appetite and hunger.  Our body signals when it’s time to eat.  Our body also signals when it wants physical intimacy.  Just as hunger pangs increase the longer we do not eat, physical desire also increases when it does not receive release.  There’s just one gigantic difference.  One hunger leads to physical death if we do not eat again.  The other can lead to a variety of different places – frustration, anger, despair, or even contentment and self-control.  No matter how strong the urge,no one dies if they never express their sexuality in physical intimacy.

Not expressing sexuality in physical intimacy, however, has become a laughable, irrational, unreasonable concept to the lion’s share of the country.  And, too many of the lions are those who say they consider the Bible to be the faithful transcript of God’s mind in rules of conduct, yet they also agree that it is not reasonable – or even possible – to save physical sexual expression for marriage.  I have to admit that I have never seen a really good answer to “how does a single deal with intense sexual feelings without giving in to them?”  The church in general has opted to keep repeating, “Just don’t,” “Wait,” and “Take cold showers.”  None of these responses even begins to touch the core of the depth of desire many onesomes experience.

I admit that at times I am baffled by the lack of specific instruction in Scripture for the single person, especially the onesome in unwanted protracted singleness.  I have often read I Corinthians 7:9 with puzzlement.

  • *  KJV – If a man cannot contain, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn.
  • *  NIV – But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
  • *  NLT – But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry.  It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.
  • * AMP – But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry.  For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire].
  • * MSG – But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married.  The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single.

A cursory reading of this verse makes it sound as if marriage was sort of like a peach on a tree available for the picking.  It speaks to the “unmarried and the widows,” so men and women were addressed alike.

But, what happens to those who “burn” with nary a future spouse in sight?

I admit to a few flames at times.  How ’bout you?

Well, this is where the whole area of self-control, restraint, and management of desires and emotions comes into the picture.

Thought and physical desire become partners.

  • *  Jesus speaks of lust and immorality beginning in the mind.  (Matthew 15:19)
  • *  Taking part in things not glorifying to our Holy God leads to sin.  (Acts 15:20)
  • *  Alcohol can lead us to drop our normal boundaries.  (Romans 13:13)
  • *  The body is meant for sexual morality.  (I Corinthians 6:13-18)
  • *  Sexual immorality is idolatry.  (Colossians 3;5)
  • *  Flee immorality!  (I Corinthians 6:18)

Are restraint and self-control feasible in terms of celibacy even in a sex-crazed society?  Absolutely!  We have to make difficult choices every day.  Why not in this area?

NIV – Titus 2:11-12   For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  It teaches us to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age . . .

 

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